Guardianship
by Alahnore
Summary: It wasn't easy, being Yuri's guardian. Sometimes its like a normal day. Sometimes, Flynn felt like grabbing his pills and downing the whole bottle himself. / Fluri. Modern day AU; minor angst; character with mental illnesses; rated M for implied sex in ch3.
1. Guardianship

Yuri cackles.

Immediately Flynn's head lifts from the pan of frying food to look at him, eyes looking for the signs. But the TV flashes, and Yuri laughs again along with the crowd on the screen as the comedian gets back to his feet. Flynn feels his heart slowly return to normal and he turns back to the pan, stirring the food around.

It was only a couple days after his most recent hospitalization, and despite the reassurance everything was back to normal, Flynn can't help but feel apprehensive. It was hard to think normal again after this last stunt, and even if he knows Yuri can't help it, Flynn still feels an inkling of disappointment toward him. Disappointment, fear, apprehension…

"This guy is a dipshit," Yuri calls from the living room. "He has to hurt himself to make people laugh."

"It's working, isn't it?" Flynn answers idly, adding a sprinkle of salt to the sizzling pan.

"Because it's so damn sad." There's a quiet click before the TV turns off, and Flynn hears Yuri enter the kitchen.

His heart starts to pound faster as Yuri comes slower, his shoulders tensing. He immediately turns the heat off on the stove just as Yuri reaches out to him, wrapping his arms around Flynn's waist and leaning in closer to his ear, breathing over it in that way that sends little shivers down Flynn's spine.

"Yuri." Flynn warns, leaning away, but Yuri only tucks closer to him.

"You're tense." Yuri notes, his eyes slowly looking from Flynn's face to the way he holds the spatula. "You're scared of me."

Flynn scoffs. "Me? Scared of you? Please."

"You know, you should be." Carefully, Yuri pulls his arms away from Flynn, his eyes narrowing a bit. "I hurt you."

"Since we were kids we've gotten into fights." Flynn rationalizes, giving the food one more stir around before finally looking at Yuri. "If you think a black eye is going to scare me off, you don't know me anymore."

"Maybe I don't. Maybe you don't know _me_ anymore." Yuri brings his arms up behind his head. "I don't even know me sometimes. I wouldn't blame you if you left, you know."

"Yes you would." Flynn says immediately, even though he regrets it as soon as the words spill out. Yuri can't help that. People with disorders can't help that.

Yuri smirks crookedly. "A part of me would, probably, yes." he admits. "But the better part would understand."

Flynn wonders why he can't see that 'better part' more often. Why it only lasts for about a month before it fails. Was the better part the real Yuri? Flynn from years ago would have said yes—Flynn from now, after so long of dealing with this, wasn't so sure anymore.

"Food's done." Flynn says after a moment, reaching for a plate from above him.

"I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat, Yuri. I didn't take cooking classes to improve my cooking just for you to be a brat over it still."

Yuri frowns, but after Flynn piles the food on the plate and hands it to him, he does take it. Flynn remains tense, ready to move, until Yuri turns and heads for the dining room with the plate of hot food.

It was going to be a while before Flynn was okay with him again. It always takes a while…

* * *

Angrily Flynn adjusts his tie for the fourth time, glaring at himself over the rims of his glasses in the mirror. Every time, he says never again. Every time he says it's the last time. Every time he says that was over.

But Yuri reaches for him, whispers all the right words, gives him that look and touches and kisses him; Flynn falls apart every time.

He adjusts his collar, trying to hide the developing hickey on his neck. If he's careful it won't be easy to see. If worse comes to worse, he'll snatch Sodia's compact and try to cover it up, but he hopes it doesn't come to that.

Flynn doesn't want to leave Yuri by himself. Even is the neighbors were aware of what to watch for, he doesn't want to come home to another suicide attempt in the making. He doesn't want to come home to their house trashed, with Yuri throwing up in the bathroom from too much alcohol. He doesn't want to come home to strangers with questionable items or motives. He doesn't want to come home to police officers waiting for him because Yuri ran away again, did some minor crime again.

Sometimes, Flynn doesn't want to come home.

But ever since Yuri's parents died, since all of his other friends dropped him since the development of his disorders, Flynn swore to him he'd stay. Yuri takes advantage of that, ridicules that, trashes it and throws it all in Flynn's face.

But one the good days… on the days it seems the therapy gets to him, that the medications work, that Yuri is rightly observant of the law and doesn't want to go back to the hospital. Those days Yuri is normal, when he is more appreciative, calmer. Yuri takes time to thank Flynn, every good day.

The good days keep Flynn here, keep him from completely rejecting Yuri's advances, his words. Good days keep Flynn from feeling too heartbroken over their 'break ups.' Good days keep Flynn happy he was seeing through with his promise.

Flynn hopes today, when he comes home, it's a good day.

"They aren't going to like that face in the office."

Flynn whirls around, seeing Yuri stark naked in the doorway of the bathroom, arm up and leaning against it in such a way his body was displayed in a seductive way. The muscles were just barely contracted to give that chiseled look, and Flynn's face flush as he can't help but look him over. Finger-sized bruises highlight Yuri's hips, his own neck and collar covered in lovebites.

It was funny knowing Yuri was the calm one in bed. Maybe Flynn was developing his own mental disorder.

"But I do like that one," Yuri purrs, stepping forward with obvious intent.

"Yuri." Flynn warns, but he doesn't stop him. He lets Yuri saunter up to him, drape his arms over his shoulders and lean in close.

"Have a good day at work." Yuri snickers, giving him a light little kiss.

Long ago, Yuri used to finish that statement with a much more important one. But when he doesn't, as usual, Flynn tries not to show how much that pains him. By now he should be used to the fact they slept together just because no one else would bother with either of them, because Yuri couldn't help his impulses and better Flynn than anyone else.

"Yeah." Flynn mutters, keeping his hands away from Yuri's skin, keeping his urge to kiss him again in check. "You behave."

There was a look in Yuri's eyes—brief, dark and sad. Flynn's heart, covered in scars and cuts still, aches at the reminder. Maybe Flynn hurts from this arrangement, but so does Yuri. He can't help what he does, what he feels, and he knows there's something wrong with him. But there's barely a thing he can do about it.

"Remember we have a visit today." Yuri reminds him softly.

Little things like this made it a good day. And it was the good days Flynn was living for now.

"I will." Flynn leans in, giving him a light kiss, watching Yuri's face light up at the contact. "You be ready by then."

"Yep." Yuri steps away from him and heads out of the bathroom without another look or word, wandering back to the bedroom. To get dressed or sleep, Flynn wasn't sure.

_Please, let today be a good day…_


	2. Chrysalis

Flynn tries so hard, and Yuri knows. He notices it, and when he feels normal, he tries to let Flynn know he appreciates it. Be it a simple thank you, doing chores for once, behaving or even getting him little gifts. Although the gifts part was hard—Flynn had their shared account wired to his phone since Yuri's impulsive moods sometimes lead to him trying to buy too much at once. And it was hard to call it a gift when he had to explain it to Flynn to reassure him he wasn't trying to buy another house or a couple cars again. Or a person.

The things one finds on Ebay…

It was hard for Yuri to focus some days. Not because of his disorders so much as it was the medications. It seems no matter what Yuri does, something fucks him up. He really does try to be good, to comply with his regime of meds and therapies and doc visits. He used to be able to go to them himself, but eventually he found himself not caring and didn't bother anymore. Flynn has to step in when he starts to reach that point again, and when he isn't looking, Yuri stares at him and wishes telepathy was actually a thing. Because if Flynn could really see what was in Yuri's head, maybe he'd be happier.

Maybe he'd hate Yuri more and finally leave.

Yuri is fairly sure Flynn hates him. Maybe he won't ever show it, but it was there. Yuri had done too much to him, ruined so much of his life, to _not_ be hated. It was why Estellise left him. Why Judith left him. Why Raven stopped hanging out with him and won't let his adopted kids near him. It was why he gave Repede to his grandfather across the US. Yuri knows he can't ever have nice things, wasn't worth them, couldn't handle them. He wants them—whether or not he really does or that was due to his disorder he wasn't sure—and he seeks them out. But he wasn't worthy of them.

He wasn't worthy to get Flynn's kisses, or to sleep with him, or get his smiles and touches. He wanted them, he always did, even when he was teenager and they would purposefully get into the same core classes together in high school. But by graduation it was apparent there was something wrong with Yuri, and he was afraid what it meant.

Yuri got around. Women, men, if he wanted them he went for them. Once he was tired of them he left them without a word. He never thought he would be that way, but after a few intense meetings and sleepings he found himself wanting to get away. So he does. Estelle was so sweet, but he did the same to her. He avoided her until she finally "officially" ended it. Yuri wasn't sure what else happened to her. He really didn't care.

Judith hung around for a bit. A friend with benefits after the actual relationship failed. But despite her being so beautiful, so model-perfect, Yuri got sick of her too. And after he started to get into fights and steal—and one time he did crash her car on purpose just to make her angry—she finally gave him the bird.

Raven was actually a friend of Flynn's, and although Yuri did try, the older man wasn't interested. His kids, Karol and Rita, were good kids if Yuri remembers correctly. Rita was a bit of a bitch, and Karol was easy to scare, but they were good kids. But it was strange to him they were relatively well behaved. Eventually, he tried to get them to not be.

It didn't take much more for Raven to start distancing his kids from Yuri, and also Flynn. It was, however, what got Flynn to realize something was wrong.

Yuri doesn't remember the actual thing that tipped Flynn over to restrain him and literally throw him into the car to go the nearest psychiatric clinic. He doesn't remember if he did something, or said something. Maybe both.

He actually doesn't remember a good few years after he really started to notice he wasn't well. Maybe he shouldn't.

Yuri knows he had done bad things. Hurt people. He hurt Flynn a lot. Some days he left bruises on him, some days he knows he makes Flynn want to cry. On the good days he tries to make up for it.

When he was diagnosed and started on treatment, Yuri didn't care. He pretended to, went along with it for a bit, then stopped. He relapsed and ended up in jail, and only thanks to Flynn did he get out. That was when Flynn became his unofficial guardian.

During the years with such an arrangement, Yuri had to battle with himself—when he_was_ himself, whatever that really meant though—to not touch Flynn. Oh, he loved him. Yuri has problems with his thinking and emotions, but he knew what he felt something. He loved Flynn, to be sure. But that was on good days. Every other day, he wasn't sure if he loved Flynn, or just wanted him because he was Flynn.

They had frequent trysts. Sometimes they were dating, and then they break up. It was always, _always_ Yuri's fault. He knows it hurts Flynn, because Flynn thinks he's being sneaky but Yuri sees. He knows, and he knows their off-and-on set up was only hurting Flynn and killing what friendship they had left.

Yuri wishes Flynn would leave him. Maybe it would hurt less if he did.

But even when Yuri really does try to stay away, to keep his hands away, he can't. Flynn is there. Flynn can't resist his charms anymore than Yuri can resist using them on him. They were on a destructive path and the worse part of it all was Flynn followed Yuri down. Yuri was used to pain, was used to being the disappointment and failure and fuck up of every relationship. Estelle and Judy were smart. They quit. They left him and made sure he had no way to contact them again so they wouldn't fall for his charm.

But Flynn stays. Flynn stays and falls for him over and over and Yuri wants to scream and hit him to get away because he was destructive. He was going to completely ruin Flynn's life, he knows it, he tries not to but even Yuri knows he can't fucking _help it_. Being who he was, was _not_ worth anything. Yuri being Yuri was not a reason to stay around. The good days couldn't possibly make up for the times Yuri hits him, ridicules him, sneers and manipulates and cries on his shoulder.

He loves Flynn, so much. The 'good' part of him that needs Flynn to get away and the 'bad' part of him that reaches out to him. Flynn thinks it's the 'good' Yuri that kisses him so sweetly, touches him so sensually. He has it backwards.

Yuri tries. He tries so damn hard.

But Flynn keeps coming home.


	3. One Perfect Day

Yuri does well in therapy, and Flynn is proud of him. He ends up taking him to that crepe shop that Yuri always looks at, and even if he knows he's spoiling him, Flynn enjoys the simple happiness Yuri has on his face when treated to his favorite type of crepe. Yuri digs in, makes that borderline-kitten like noise if contentment and Flynn has to look away or he'd smile like an idiot at him and possibly ruin the image of Yuri just being normal.

If Flynn tries hard enough he can pretend they were just on a little outing, maybe a lunch date, and things were good. It was the perfect day for little outings, for lunch dates; but if he did that he'd go down that road of denial all over again. And frankly, it was time Flynn stops being in denial and just start accepting things. Yuri wasn't normal.

But even if he wasn't, he was on his _way_ to being normal, and so long as he tries, Flynn can be happy.

He knows there's a chance Yuri may never be 'normal.' That he will always have relapses where he doesn't care, takes crazy risks, uses the people around him and is impulsive in ways he can't help. But if those were just sometimes, Flynn thinks he can handle it. He's been handling it so far.

"Yours must suck," Yuri's voice pulls Flynn out of his thoughts, and when he points the fork at him, Flynn actually doesn't tense. "Your crepe."

"It's okay." Flynn smiles to him. "Think they skimped on the cream cheese."

"Want some of mine?" Yuri smirks, scooping some of his excessive cream with his fork and holding it out to Flynn.

Flynn does hesitate. One wrong move and Yuri very well could kill him. That was always an afterthought, after the few times Yuri really got out of control…

But he trusts him. To show it, Flynn leans across the table a bit and lets Yuri feed him the forkful of cream. He's careful when he places the fork between Flynn's lips, slowly sliding it out a second after Flynn's lips close over it.

Flynn smiles. "Much better."

Sometimes, Yuri _did_ want to stab Flynn. But seeing that display of trust, and that smile, he doesn't feel the violent twinge.

Maybe therapy was working…

* * *

"You don't say no." Yuri breathes in his ear, and Flynn shudders.

"Because I don't want to."

Yuri presses in closer, deeper, pulling a gasp out of him. "You should." he growls before he pulls away, then pushes himself back close. "Stop letting me… do this to you."

Choking groans get out before words do, and Flynn's answer only infuriates Yuri. "I want it…"

But at the same time, so did Yuri. He wants this, to keep moving into him, to keep pulling those gaspy breaths and moans from Flynn's throat. He wants him willing like this, reaching for him, aching for him, wanting his kisses and touches and thrusts. No one else would ever want Yuri like this. Not this honestly. Not this stupidly.

Yuri moves, a bit faster, a bit harder, and Flynn presses his lips against his neck as another shudder rips through him. Fiery hot sensation blankets him, a twinge of pain rips through him every few movements. Purposefully Yuri re-angles himself, changes the sensation, keeping that painful edge to the pleasure that threatens to overcome Flynn's senses.

But it doesn't feel forced. In a sense, it's careful and gentle, calculated to hurt but not too much. Flynn can't say he likes it, but at the same time, he just wants to be close to him. If he weathers this like he does everything else, maybe Yuri will realize he can't push him away. That it was okay to pull him in close, so long as he means it.

Yuri groans, pushing himself close again before he stops there and nuzzles into Flynn's hair. He just keeps them pressed close, letting Flynn cling to him as he latches back. He hears Flynn whispering to him, some words or whatever, but he isn't listening. He focuses on feeling.

He slept with Flynn countless times. But for some reason, this feels different. It's the same pleasure, the same act in general, but for some reason Yuri finds himself shaking. Finds himself clinging to Flynn and tears threatening to fall.

He tries to hold it back, but he can't. To his credit, Flynn just calms and holds him. It was the worst time to have a breakdown, but being this close, Yuri figures maybe it's okay.

Better to be sad and cry, than to hurt Flynn again.

* * *

Yuri was a month clean.

It wasn't his longest record, but it was the longest since they started living together. Flynn is proud of him. He hopes it lasts this time, and maybe Yuri will find his own quality of life improving.

"It's like I'm a woman," Yuri says randomly as he struts along the living room, a bath towel around his waist. "It's like I got a fucking period and mood swings to match."

"God forbid." Flynn jokes, keeping his eyes above Yuri's waist. "Should I go get a pregnancy test for you, too?"

"Asshole," Yuri seethes, whipping off his towel and throwing it at Flynn's head. The moment Flynn gets it off his face, Yuri was on him. "You're the one with all the estrogen in this arrangement."

"Excuse me?" Flynn raises an eyebrow, shifting his arms to get the towel back around Yuri's waist.

"You heard me. You're totally the woman." Yuri manages to _not_ add the phrase, 'you even have the abused wife syndrome.' Sometimes he _can_ think wisely.

"You can't provoke me into jumping you, Yuri." Flynn replies coolly. When Yuri's eye ticks, he smirks. "Nice try."

Once more Yuri flings his towel off and away from them, Flynn's eyes going to follow. Movement from Yuri snaps his attention back, and his eyes widen as Yuri runs his hands down his still damp body, inching further and further down. Yuri grins, closes his eyes and softly gasps when his hands reach himself below.

Flynn lasts maybe two minutes before he pulls himself further up and flips Yuri onto his back on the couch, the long haired man cackling proudly before a kiss silences him.

It was improper, and Flynn knew Yuri was doing it because it was just one of his problems. It sort of erased his 'month clean' record.

But Yuri actually seems happy to kiss him back, and Flynn doesn't let it upset him anymore.

* * *

Trying was the best either of them could do. But even if Yuri tries, he still finds himself curled up in an ashamed little ball in the back of Flynn's car, hugging his knees and shaking. Flynn is silent at the wheel, taking them home. He doesn't even bother telling Yuri to sit properly and buckle up.

Yuri tried. He stuck to the therapies, stuck to the regime, let Flynn do what he was told by the doctors to do but he still ended up running away from home. Got himself into a fight and the cops had to intervene. He was lucky they couldn't prove it was anything but self defense, but he wouldn't have had the issue if he didn't run away.

Normal life just wasn't for him. He always runs away from it, goes for the risks, the dangers, the things he shouldn't want or have and doesn't care what happens to anyone until moments like these where he's actually ashamed for once.

He should have let that thug stab him.

He doesn't notice they made it home until he feels Flynn's hand on his shoulder, but Yuri doesn't move. In this state he just wants to die. To stop failing, stop messing up, stop ruining Flynn's life. He tries but it never works out. He doesn't want to see that disappointment in Flynn's eyes, not again.

Flynn withdraws his hand and gets out of the car. If he thinks eventually Yuri would come out he had another thing coming. This time Yuri wasn't going to leave the car. He'd stay there and rot. A minute later the backseat door opens on the other side of Yuri, and he hears Flynn slide in next to him.

Yuri lets out a protesting noise when Flynn grabs him and pulls him into his arms, cradling Yuri's head to his shoulder. Yuri struggles, but only a little, before he gives up and hangs on to him. In the end Yuri can't let go of him.

"It's okay, Yuri." Flynn whispers. "You try. You keep trying. So long as you try, as we both try, it'll be okay."

"What good is trying? It doesn't do anything…"

Flynn shakes his head, raising a hand to lightly pet Yuri's hair. "You made it this far." he says quietly. "Keep trying, go farther. Soon it'll work out. But nothing gets better if you quit. Everything'll get worse again if you quit."

Yuri looks up at him, and that disappointment he was afraid to see wasn't there. Determination, love and other positive stupid emotional shit was what he saw, and Yuri lets out a frustrated whine.

"Why do you let me hurt you?" he finally asks. "It can't be worth it. The good days can't be worth it!"

Flynn smiles to him, adding to the frustrating, making Yuri melt on the inside. "I love our good days. I can deal with our bad days, if you're trying. And one day… eventually, we'll have a perfect day. One perfect day will be worth it all."

What did perfect even mean? "It can't be worth it…"

Flynn kisses his forehead. "It will be. You'll see. You keep trying Yuri, and I'll be here to help you. I'll be trying too…"

Yuri shakes his head, but he can't bring himself to be pessimistic still. Not when, for once, the whole of him was happy to have Flynn still. That he was here, that he cared.

Maybe that was something he can try for. That one perfect day. If he couldn't try for himself or for Flynn, maybe a perfect day together was something worth trying for.

He might as well.


End file.
